I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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