i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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