You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
