OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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