I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
