Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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