My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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