did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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