I'm really into asian looking animals
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
