I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
