We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
