his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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