Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm like, not good at living.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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