8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
