i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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