You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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