HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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