Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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