my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize