I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize