And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize