So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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