rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
