what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
