can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
