I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
