i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
