You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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