Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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