the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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