my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This baby is an asshole
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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