He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
