I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You dont lie about slip and slides
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
