Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
