You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
