what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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