Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
