My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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