I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
