if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize