i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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