just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
