Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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