I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
