Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I want to make a zoo with you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
