when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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