just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
