there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
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how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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