I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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