i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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