Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
