I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
