I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
