Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize