Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
