i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
