perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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