I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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