Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
