two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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