Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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