Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
