My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
