btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
