you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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