glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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