At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
