you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
