she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
