I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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