i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
