my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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