Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
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mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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