So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize