So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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