so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
