Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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