Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
