I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize