yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
