Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
