Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
