I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
