I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just tell him i said nine months
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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