Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize