I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
